"maybe I’m not ready for real love yet,

the kind of love that endures"

Yesterday I was at this kind of fancy event, sitting next to people who are a few years older than me. I'm generally not that kind of person that talks that much when being around people I don't really know yet, so naturally I stayed aback and listened to the convo. 

However, after a few minutes, I found myself zooming out, not getting a grasp of a single word the others were saying. 

Later the subject turned towards this other couple's first date and how they are imagining their wedding someday. 

And there I was, completely aghast, because a thought started hitting me out of the blue. 

So you have to know, I'm a person who likes to think that she's relatively mature for her age. Not like in what I do, as I'm terribly awkward and get excited really fast, but rather in the way I think about things (you can see it on this blog - and now imagine all of it literally all day long). I also thought if I ever were to find someone to love, it would be someone slightly older than me since I got the feeling many people my age have just another way of thinking than I do, if you get what I mean.

But maybe I overestimated myself there. Because I realized, in that exact moment, that I was bored by the topic of the conversation. I realized that maybe I have a way too naive way of thinking about love which might come from the fact that nearly everything I know about it is out of books.

You could call it over-romanticizing. Or having your head in the clouds. I don't know. I'm probably too stuck up with this idea I have in my head about what a relationship should look like. 

Maybe that's why destiny or god stopped me from getting together with the people I once had a crush on. Maybe there's a bigger plan, and I'm getting just a slight touch of it. Maybe it's really better to be on my own.

I don't know, I just don't feel like maybe I'm not ready for a relationship yet. And maybe it will stay like this for a longer time. Or maybe love's right around the corner. I won't ever know. But maybe it's about trusting that there's a reason why things are happening the way they are happening and maybe being single for still a while will help me find a life of my own one day.

xxx Sarah