2016 is slowly coming to an end and many, many are really delighted about this fact. And I have to say, globally this year was really shit. But I like to review what this year was like for my personal life because to be quite honest, I was terrified of what 2016 might hold for me (but I'll come back to that later).

I'll try to structure this post in four categories: Family, friends, love, general state of mind.

1. Family
As for my family, things weren't always good. My grandpa was in a bad state of health at the beginning of the year and we were all scared that he wouldn't make it. Mind you, he made it and he is fine again and to see him finally being able to smile again and be happy was one of my favorite moments of this whole entire year.

My brother started seeing a therapist but a) I don't really want to talk too much about that and b) I barely know anything about it anyways because he and my mum kind of keep it a secret. However, I hope that next year will be a good one for him and that he makes some really great friends here.

2. Friends
I had a few times when I was really pissed off at my friends, actually only the ones I go to school with. I feel like I still haven't found the right group of friends here because some of them are just so unlike me. For example, some are far too concerned about being popular and others gossip about others all the time and I just can't stand it. Yes, I was like that just a year ago, too, but now it really bugs me out.

But then again, while I started growing apart from most of them when the semester started 'cause we barely had any classes together anymore, the last few months I started growing even closer to people I never thought I would. And so far, I have to say I'm really glad to have those people in my life because they fill up my life with so much love and kindness and that just makes me really happy every day. Also, they make me laugh a lot and some days I really need it.

I met my internet best friend this year which was one of the best days of my life and I wouldn't want to miss it. By the way, I'm seeing her again in just a few days!! I feel like I found some sort of soul mate in her.

I'm also so thankful of my best friend, especially for those nights when we would stay up until 2 am just to talk about the series we watched in our childhood and about the way television has changed so much. Or obsessing over Pokemon, Animes, series, movies, ...

3. Love
Love-wise it wasn't a good year. I started it off with realizing I was in love with a friend of my brother and it wasn't really destined to work out right from the start. It all broke down when I met his beautiful girlfriend and after a phase of really being down and sad, I realized that they really match each other and that I kind of started to enjoy my time alone.

But then I met this boy while being at my friend's and it felt incredible because for the first time I thought there was a realistic chance for us two to end up together. Mind you, it turned out he was a liar and probably more fascinated by what's on the outside than what's on the inside and after realizing that, I felt so much better again. I realized that I deserve more and I shouldn't settle for someone who doesn't care about hurting my feelings just like that.

However, I started to look for someone to fall in love with afterwards and tried forcing things that weren't meant to be in the first place. It only started dawning on me that I really don't need a boyfriend when I started really talking with the guy from the beginning of the year. This made me realized that maybe it will someday be possible for me to talk to a guy and just become friends with him without falling in love with him, something that hasn't worked for me for years and years.

4. General state of mind
As I said in the beginning, I was terrified of 2016. Mainly because 2015 was the year I became clean and I was scared I would forget all that I had learnt so far.

But it turns out, once you realized your worth and started getting more and more confident, you can't go that easily back there again, no matter what life throws at you.

I started doing so many things I would have never done just a year ago and I am really proud of myself. I was able to text in group chats, talk to classmates just like that again and I even started participating in class again, something I did all the time before 2014. I began not caring about what my body looked like and being way too concerned about having a certain weight.

And as many people in my surroundings noticed, I'm still not at the top of the mountain but maybe it's about the way. And maybe it's not important that they noticed my improvements, maybe it's enough that I myself acknowledge how far I've come.

Of course it still hurts when people call me shy but that's just their perception and I and you guys on tumblr know what I struggled with and that I'm certainly moving. Not fast, but I do.

So what are my New Year's resolutions?
The years before, especially in 2014, my only wish was to be happy at the end of the year. In 2015 I made it, this year I'm close to.

But maybe I should start setting new goals. I think my specified goal for 2017 is that I indeed end up happy, but also in a way that does not require being in a relationship. I was too busy trying to find a significant other that I started to lose track of the things that matter for me. In addition to that, I hope next year will be another year of me overcoming my fears and growing stronger because of it.

One of the only things that was consistent this year was your support of me. Whether it was about me being sad or angry or even opening up this blog. You have supported me and for that I will be forever thankful. I don't care if I have never met you, that doesn't make it less real. Thank you.

I hope you all have a good start into the new year and that your 2017 is full of blessings.

Currently being closer to finding a life of my own and forever grateful,

xxx Sarah