Find a life of your own.

Have you read Harry Potter? If yes, you probably know all about the infamous invisibility cloak. If not, here's a quick resume.

So Harry Potter is celebrating his first Christmas at Hogwarts when he gets a mysterious gifts from an anonymous giver (which later turns out to be Albus Dumbledore, headmaster at Hogwarts). As he opens the gift, he discovers a cloak which he decides to put on. And just like that, he finds out that this cloak has the power to make him invisible which is really useful for his upcoming adventures as he gets to sneak around places without anyone noticing.

Why I'm talking about this? Well, I found that I'm hiding under one, too. Not like Harry for the purpose of secretly finding things out, no, more to protect myself. Or maybe just because that's how I am.

At school, for example, I'm always quiet, at least in class. And while teachers do in fact ask me questions sometimes, it's not like I'm a huge contribution to their lessons or as if it would bother them that much if I weren't there. Yes, yes of course that's a bit harsh and maybe not entirely true, but I often feel like I'm the student that's barely even noticeable, kind of like a ghost whose existence is okay but not something or someone you'd keep in mind, just cause like, as I said, I'm quiet and therefore fading into the background.

I did not even think about this as much up until I was asking myself why I like my French teacher so much, considering that I've never really had like this number one favorite teacher in my life.

And I figure it's because she chooses to go beyond my invisibility cloak, beyond the wall I put up during class because lessons and participating and all of that still frighten me a lot (something like a traumatic experience I guess that led to this - but I already talked about that). What I mean by that is that she doesn't treat me like an easily breakable person. I mean, I am getting emotional very fast, I'm not denying this in any way. However, it's nice to be treated as a normal person rather than a broken soul.

For instance, she makes as many snark/funny remarks about me as she does about any other person in this class and as crazy as that sounds it makes me feel validated because I'm not excluded from her jokes (which are hilarious by the way).

In addition to that, she doesn't/didn't pressure me into participating in class. Yes, she told me it would help but she never pulled the "if you don't raise your hand your grade will drop drastically"-card, something that every other teacher shoved into my face. And that actually worked. I finally started participating in a subject so that at the end of my first semester she told me that I start to kind of unfreeze and that she thinks I'm able to participate even more. And it made me happy.

Of course there are other reasons why I feel so comfortable in her class, like her sense of humor (which often helped me smile again even if the day was terrible so far) or the fact that she respects every student and tries to understand all of us and she really does a great job at this.

What I want to say with all of this is that it is nice to have places I can put down my invisibility cloak, even if it's not that often at the moment. But I certainly feel like I can push forward from here and someday dump it totally. And then maybe find a life of my own.

xxx Sarah