Giving up. It seems easy, doesn't it? Just putting all the problems aside. Saying "whatever, it'll happen the way it'll happen. I can't influence anyway.".

Don't get me wrong. It's okay to sometimes give up, especially when you notice that e.g. holding on to a person hurts you or constantly drains your energy without you ever really getting anywhere or the other person acknowledging your efforts.

On the other hand, you could also fight. For your dreams. For something you truly believe in. For something that you know will make life better for you.

Or even simpler. Fighting to win your life back. Fighting your way back to happiness. To confidence.

I am fighting, every day. Sometimes it's easier. Sometimes I just have to wake up and I'm in a good mood and I feel like I can take on the world with confidence. Like everything will be alright anyways. On these days, I just live my life like a normal 16-year-old would. Nothing too special about that, and the need and the aspiration to fight is tucked away in a far away corner of my brain.

Other days are not so simple. Bad days. Don't get me wrong, I hate them. I hate this empty feeling in my chest. I hate being close to crying. I hate listening to sad music on repeat. I hate overthinking. And over-worrying. I hate ranting to others about my feelings, but I feel like I have to or else I would combust of feelings.

But still, there's also some beauty in it in my opinion. Like I said, on usual weekdays I forget about my own inner strength, it's just something I don't think of.

However, on said bad days, it's pushed back into my mind.

I used to always let the emptiness fill me up on these days, indulging in it, feeling it up to my fingertips. A way out? Not possible.

Today, whenever I'm feeling down or sad, I am indeed still sad - because you need to feel the pain in order to heal - but at the same time I almost always immediately remember: "Hey, this feeling will pass again. There will be better days again. Don't give up yet. There's still so much beauty to see. So many amazing people to meet. So many emotions to be felt.". And even though that doesn't make all the bad feelings just fade away, it reminds me of my strength. I got through so many rainy days. I will get through this one, too. I will get up tomorrow, and make the best of the day. Because it CAN be a good day again, I WILL be able to laugh and to smile again. I just have to open myself up to it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is the medicine to all your problems, especially if you have an mental illness. But a bit of optimism in some situations of your life doesn't hurt. It actually clears the way for some of the best memories you'll ever make.

And when you get back on experiencing more and more brighter days again, you may stop and look around and realize you actually found a life of your own along the way.

xxx Sarah