You know how people always say "True love hits you when you least expect it"? That's a really true sentence but if you are a really really organized person and someone who likes to plan things out, you might just ignore this or you just ignore it without even realizing it.

That's what hit me yesterday.

With every person I had a slight crush on (until the last guy, I'll come to that later), I chose them beforehand. That sounds pretty weird and probably really is, but I just looked at the guys in my glass for example and I unknowingly decided "OK this guy looks decent and he seems to be nice so LET'S HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM!" (okay not exactly like that but you know what I mean).

Or when I went somewhere where there was a slight chance I could meet a guy, I prepared extra well, put on make-up and told myself you have to be like this and that and then you'll surely find someone nice. This even lead to me spying out guys on the train (if any of these ever read this: Sorry sorry sorry for creeping you out) or constantly feeling the need to look around the room and search for someone.

And I think that might be the reason why all these crushes felt wrong in some kind of way or why I now feel like I never had a crush on any of these guys, not really because I just feel nothing when I meet them somewhere now. Or why those "crushes" were over kind of fast. Or why they just existed of me daydreaming and falling in love with the idea of this person.

But the difference with the boy I met in summer was that I totally didn't expect it that time. On the one hand side because I was coming to terms with being single and actually enjoying being free and independent. On the other hand side because we mainly went festivity thing since my friend was asked by this guy that had a crush on her (but the feelings weren't mutual) so I kind of expected to be third-wheeling the night through.

But all of a sudden there was this person, a friend of the boy that had a crush on my friend, approaching me with this sweet smile asking me where I come from. And later I noticed that he blushed looking at me. And then he made a huge effort to talk to me, a total stranger. He even met up with me the next day just because it was the last day at my friend's.

And somehow along the way of texting with him afterwards, it just hit me how special and rare this felt to me, to find a person I didn't choose but chose me, like how insane is this?! Maybe that is the reason why I can't seem to be able to move on from him and just can't stop thinking of all the nice things he said and done although he left me standing in the rain in the end.

But what this taught me that maybe it was a mistake to try to plan something like love, even unknowingly. You just have to let it approach you and see what happens.

But before that, always be sure to find a way to love yourself and a life of your own.

xxx Sarah