Yesterday I hung out with some people I don't really know that well but it was sort of a group thing I guess. So as always, there were those that are just a bit more than complete strangers to me so naturally I kept quiet for most of the evening as I just don't immediately feel comfortable around new people.

Anyways, they were talking about rumors concerning who's flirting with who in the group and a bunch of them was getting ready to go off to that party I'm pretty sure at least half of my grade also went to. And as per usual, it got me thinking.

A) Maybe I'm not ready for love yet. I already mentioned this quite a few times, not necessarily on here but more on my tumblr. I don't know, like the way people my age handle relationships is just not how I would deal with it and maybe that's a bit of my own fault. Like what if I just have way too high expectations when it comes to love?

B) Comparing myself to others (I know, I know, you shouldn't ever do this but it's hard to stop yourself right), I am in fact a pretty boring person. I like being at home, I get nearly all my school work done and I'm a pretty ambitious student, I like reading and listening to music on my own. I don't like partying, I mean I still want to try it out some time but I feel like it won't be something that'll fulfill my life like it does to most of my peers (actually last time I wanted to go, I had a pretty sort of panic attack that ended up resulting in a post on here but well... it just happens). I also spend a lot of time thinking about stuff so you'd think I would get along well with people who are into philosophy for example but I just can't voice my thoughts at all, all I'm able to do is write them down as you see on here. Moreover, I enjoy doing child-like things like singing and dancing and watching cheesy movies and crying a bit (or even better: watching Disney movies and crying a lot).

So anyways, I felt a bit... let's say weird yesterday and before I went to bed, I made the decision to post something on here with the title "what it's like being boring".

Wait, you might say. But this isn't the actual title.

You're right. I changed it up a bit.

The reason for that is that I'm currently catching up on the YouTube videos I missed, and I saw that Savannah Brown (I talked about her before on here) uploaded a new poem so naturally, I got really excited and clicked on it right away. The title was "couldn't care more" and as I was listening to it, I realized more and more that she's talking exactly about the issue I had just the day before.

How I felt like a weirdo and what others might call a boring person. And the words started shifting something inside me somehow. It's hard to describe, you just have to listen to it.

But I wanted to close this post with some of the last lines of her poem.

"the cool kids love ferociously
stay up late because they want it just right
they are hungry for more and will not be silenced
the cool kids care about people. about poetry. about science. about art
they’re not embarrassed of the moments that make their nerves burn
the cool kids are not ashamed that they are different; they shout it"