As nearly all the time before I decide to post something on here, I watched a YouTube video in which a viewer asked the youtuber about how to find friends and that she just generally feels really lonely. It was really interesting to listen to her answer but one point really got me.

She was talking about how she was bullied in school and had nearly none friends and she just wasn't able to find any. But then she went to uni and she decided to start accepting herself as someone worthy of finding friends and it was as if a switch turned and after a few weeks, she found that she is now actually surrounded by really great people who understand her.

All of this reminded me of myself and made me realize something.

So I'm currently in 11th grade and here in Germany it means that you aren't in like one class who has all lessons together anymore but you are in classes, each time with different people of your grade. I admit, I was terrified of it, because quite frankly, I adored (and still do) my class.

But when just about a week ago, I was the first choice of a girl that I've only got to know this school year, it hit me how many friends I now have. Of course, not all of them are really close friends, but there are enough and I just feel like I've grown so much closer to people I never really considered but now they are such a huge part of my life and I wouldn't want to miss them. I never really questioned why it's suddenly so easy for me to click and talk with people just like that but this video really brought something into view for me.

As you might know, I was bullied in 8th grade. Fortunately, it was only an in-class thing so I switched classes. And although everyone was quite accepting from the start, I still found myself feeling lonely. I always thought that everyone hates me, that they've heard the rumors and silently judges me, that I'm annoying and not worthy of being loved. It was like a truth I silently accepting without even realizing it.

Then the clean speeches came. And I found myself listening to them day and night and with each new one, Taylor's words became my truth. And about two years ago, I became clean. I realized that I am in fact someone who deserves to be loved and treated right. That I shouldn't make myself small for the aspiration of being liked by everyone. That my voice matters and I shouldn't hide it.

Of course it was and still is one hell of a ride trying to conform all these thoughts onto real life, especially if those self-destructing thoughts were so long in my life.

However, as of today, I look around and see that the love of myself that grows inside me did have an affect on my surroundings. As soon as I started to believe that I was worthy of friendship and love, it became so much easier to click with others.

So if you're in a similar situation, thinking you'll never find friends: You will. But maybe start becoming your own best friend first. And eventually you will find a life of your own, too.

xxx Sarah